Like something from a movie - IT Generalist Docker Employee Review

Imagine this scenario. You get an interview with this company and you come back for... four more interviews for a total of five (5). They reach out to all three of your references and extend an offer which was for more pay than you had originally asked. They want you to start asap so you can only leave a weeks notice at your current job, but hey, sometimes you just gotta look out for you. Then on your first day, a Thursday, you meet with your boss who doesn't have time to show you anything. Then you go into a meeting with a bunch of other new people as well as some people who have been with the company for a while. One person there finds out who your boss is and is like OMG SHES SO SCARY MY BOSS TOLD ME IM NOT ALLOWED TO CONTACT HER DIRECTLY HE HAS TO DO IT FOR ME. Weird but ok. Then you decide to introduce yourself on the general slack channel and it garners a ton of likes from entry level as well as some C-Suite people and the positive comments come in. You pat yourself on the back. An hour later your boss calls to into an emergency Zoom where she cusses you out and says, and I directly quote "Your only job here at Docker is to make my life easier, and if you're going to be all hung-ho and take-charge of everything, then this job isn't for you". Interesting, but ok. The next day goes a bit smoother but you notice that their Jira doesn't quite look like what you're used to, so you asked to be shown around, and you are told no. Then youre told to send a welcome email to a new hire "like the one you received on your first day". So you search your personal email and copy and paste it, changing the name and pasting the equipment tracking number where appropriate. You think you've done good. Except you haven't. You receive a Slack from your boss who informs you that when you pasted the tracking number, it made the text purple, and while she acknowledges that she didn't give you a template, she also states that your attention to detail is an absolute disaster, and that she worked very hard making sure the little paragraph was perfect and that you just threw all that down the drain HOW DARE YOU. The weekend rolls around, time for peace, or not. You have to run to FedEx to drop off the equipment. You need the FedEx acct number but your boss conveniently isn't answering her phone. You wait. She finally gets it to you later. You dodge emails the rest of the day and Sunday. Then Monday comes. A holiday. Its finally quiet until the evening rolls around. You are bombarded by email comments on a spreadsheet you created about how everything is just so wrong and how she can't be expected to use this sheet. You reply back that if everything is so wrong, could more training be provided, and she replies with what I will again directly quote here "This job is self serve. No training will be provided." You close your laptop. Tuesday comes and when you log in you notice all your access to your tools have been revoked and you can't access any documents or data and your calendar has been cleared minus one single meeting that starts in an hour. So sneaky. You know what's coming so you make yourself breakfast. And then you join your sole meeting and its just the HR lady firing you because of what she says is a "skill mismatch".